I am in.  

I am back once again but in Malaysia. I am going to update this blog again. Look for more to come.

Wow! It has been a while since I posted anything meaningful. However, something Jasmine said made me want to write something. She said "it is not as though you need the physical companionship!" Without listening properly, I agreed with her but then I realized that, "heck, no. If she is talking about sex, that is the important part of a relationship!" I interrupted her speech and told her, " Forget the other homely stuff. It is the sex." She was embarrassed and replied, "Okay, no need to go down that path!" I guess my baby girl does not want to think of her mother in bed with a man. Baby girl, at my age, that is the best part of life. I have no time for anything else. I am just too busy.

I am not sure what I will do with my nieces. I am not really the mothering type that wants to do scrapbooks and pretty pictures. I had my formal portrait taken by the photographer at the church but boy, were the prices high. It was a rip-off.

It is difficult to write about my feelings online. I have to think about this.

Okay, okay, I have not posted anything for a while. Life has been sweet and tough. My sister is dying in Sydney with her two girls not knowing what to do next. At the same time, I took a new job and now working too many hours. Is life always constantly a river of ups and downs, rapids and slowing moving, all at the same time. The Goddess surely is not trying to test me? Life sucks.

Today is Monday, December 27, 2004. I have to work on my webcourse project but instead I have been surfing the net. Jas and Donnie sent me a WalMart gift card and boy, did I have fun at WalMart yesterday. Everything Xmas was 50% off. It was really fun. I actually bought an M&M dispenser. Jas told me that she would like to have that once I am bored with it. I don't think I want to use it. It was just cute and 50% off. I could not resist that. I am afraid I have got the American consumerism disease now. Luckily, I topped my shopping off by going to Goodwill. I will go to the antiques store next. That sometimes can be much cheaper.

I sent Donnie some information about nonyas. Boy, after reading my email to him, I realize how mixed up Jas and Rowena are--Chinese nonyas, Chinese traditional, kelabits, English background, U.S. culture, and education to twist their brains. No wonder, they are so interesting, bright and independent. Oh, boy. Life is sure interesting around them. I myself have to learn to be happy about the cultures assimilated in myself. Have to go now. Too touchy feely to stay for long.

Dying has been on my mind lately; more out of the curiosity of not knowing than anything else. After learning how expensive it is to have a traditional burial, I am going to be cremated. A vault will cost more than $2,700 and a casket will cost about the same. Being cremated will only cost about $3,000. I also learnt that I can have my ashes turned into diamonds. However, I am not sure how many diamonds can be generated from my ashes. I wonder if my daughters would like to have their mother on their fingers or around their necks. Turning ashes into diamonds will be expensive and will cost between $15,000 to $20,000 per carat. I am sure that both my daughters will prefer to have the cash instead of these diamonds. Check out LifeGems at http://www.lifegem.com . They charge about $2,500 per .25 carat and apparently they only take the carbon from the ashes. My children can still have my ashes. Rowena wants to throw me out into the ocean although I would like to be cast upon ocean currents that would take me around the world. I would like to be able to return home to Malaysia one day.

Last Tuesday, I completed my training to be a volunteer for the Hospice of Central Michigan, http://www.hospicecentralmich.com/. I have enjoyed the training very much, especially the spiritual care session. Last Tuesday, we visited the Lux Funeral Home where we received a Funeral 101 session. I learnt that it is expensive to die in Michigan. A concrete vault costing at least $2,700 is required so that the ground will be protected. Then you select a casket costing at least $2,700 plus another $3,000 approximately for the services. It is much cheaper to get a divorce. The sky is the limit here. You will also receive a video showing pictures of the individual with selected music and scenes. I also learnt more about enbalming than I really want to know. Remember to die with your mouth shut because otherwise the mortician has to pin your jaws shut with a long stainless steel pin. Being cremated is cheaper than being buried. In fact the cheapest casket for cremation is only $195 and I believe that I can build it myself!

I have always thought that I would not want any viewing of my dead body but apparently the viewing is for the living. They need it to feel good about my dying. I am not sure that I care at that point. Time will tell. More later.