Today is Dec 31, the last day of 2003 and on Jan 2, 2004, I will fly back to the U.S. I have a sneaky feeling that my mother will be glad to see me go. She has been really busy, cooking different dishes for me to eat. At the same time, she is having a new kitchen built for her and that is a major chore. It is interesting to see how she manages the workmen, this mother of mine who is 73 years old. She definitely has her own ideas of what she wants. I have learnt not to impose my ideas on her and hence has done a little more this time NOT to add to her stress level (hehehehe .....)

I will be sorry to leave my daughter, Wena, again but like my mother, I am sure she will also be glad to see me go. Three strong willed women under the same roof is not always a good thing for a long time. The years have added to my slow growing wisdom and therefore, we get on better during this visit.

I am updating this blog from Kuching, Malaysia. I am visiting my mother and this is within one year. Wah, the flight was too long although I had an empty seat next to me and I had an aisle seat as well. I was really fed up with sitting in airports and on airplanes. Of course, having my flight from DFW leaving late and then arriving in LA to find that my Malaysian airline flight had been changed to leave two hours early was not a good thing, as Martha Stewart would say. When I arrived at the checkin counter in LA, the line was reallly short. I was so sookoo, I thought that I was really early!!!! Maybe I should have gone to the transfer counter. Of course, my two bags did not arrive in Kuching with me. They came two days later and guess what, we had to return to the Kuching airport to pick them up. At least Northwest airline delivers missing luggage to your home when they find them!

Kuching has grown tremendously and continue to grow. Buildings are popping up everywhere, and there are restaurants at every corner of each street. Colours everywhere. Guess what? I find myself eating with my fork when I am here. Then I find myself eating with my spoon when I am in the U.S. Those of you who eat with a fork and spoon in Malaysia know what I am talking about. Also, the way the Brits handle their silverware is slightly different from the way the U.S. do. Little things but big things when in a crowd.

So far, I have eaten durians, Sarawak laksa, Penang laksa (in KLIA and darn expensive), kueh tweo fried with ketchup, chicken rice, ice kachang (ohhh, I love this), prawn cakes, etc. Best of all, is eating with my mother and brother, Cyril. They let me order for them and share what they have--more variety that way. The food is so cheap here. I am going to put on so much weight on this trip.

The weather outside is just too cold now, around 34 degrees F. I had a friend for dinner at my house and I roasted an 11-lb turkey. Why would I cook an 11-lb turkey for two single ladies, I don't know. So much food and so few mouths to feed but plenty of leftovers. I goofed again this thanksgiving. Every year I tell myself that I want to eat at the soup kitchen in order to see how it feels. Then I forget to find out the location of the soup kitchen and could not go. What a lame excuse. I missed having my family around the holidays.

Today is the biggest shopping day in the U.S., the day after Thanksgiving. I saw something I wanted--a 27-inch TV for $149.99 plus a $10.00 rebate, plus a leather jacket for $59.99 at JC Pennys. But I think I will wait until tomorrow and also see how my checking account is bearing up against all the expenses I have. I have to pay my bills earlier this month. Sometimes I shop too much. At other times, I want to simplify my life to where I have no bills at all. Then I can stop working completely. I don't want to work all my life. Yikes.

This Saturday, on November 15, I will be one year older. In Malaysia, I would be considered much much older while in the U.S., life has just began. It is sweet to be older and yet not too old. Jasmine sent me flowers. What a nice surprise! I walked into my office and there they were. Hardly anyone sent me any flowers! ...sniff, sniff, ... The pic below of three generations of women is a rare one for us; we are so seldom together at the same place.

3 Generations

Found this picture of me, my sister, my grandmother and my mother, from back in 1995. Man I was 16 then.

Hey, thanks to Wena, I now have a moving calendar. I love it. hehehehe, .....

My neck is stiff, and now the doc thinks it may be a pinched nerve in the back of my neck. The last three weeks, I have been put on the rack and stretched so that the tingling and numbness in my right leg would go away. Although the tingling and numbness are less intense, I still experience some of it. It is a good thing that the doc is young and handsome. At least something good to look (sigh, ....). I even had an emg; the doc said that the sounds should be like raindrops on a tin roof. It has been a long time since I heard raindrops on a tin roof.

A weird thing happened to me at work yesterday. I answered a call from an obviously Chinese man speaking English with an accent, a Malaysian accent! After we talked for a while, I asked him, "are you Malaysian?" He said, "eh? how can you tell?" He was asking me about our graduate program for his son in Singapore! We talked for a long time. I hope that his son will come or at least he will come. This man is working in Chicago. I am trying my best to build up our graduate program again because 9/11 has such an impact on it. I found it a little strange that the son did not contact me himself.

I got involved in the Rotary radio auction today; and bought too many things. I became so engrossed in it that I bid on too many things. I listened to the announcer and heard my bidder number! Oh, dear, I had to watch myself because I was even bidding against myself. So, I bought 5 cubic yards of hardwood mulch, 10 cubic yards of screened top soil, and 3 20-lbs of fertiliser. I think I also bought $100 worth of legal service from a lawyer friend. I was feeling sorry for him because no one was bidding on his legal services. I bid $10 and then I found that someone else bid $15. I think I paid $17. Oh, well, I will use his services to write my will.

I bought a blueberry pie, a raspberry pie and a raspberry cinnamon roll. Then I took them all to Roger and Sandy for dinner. We had a piece each of the raspberry cinnamon roll but not the pies. So, after dinner, I took them to Elizabeth and Burl and had the pies with ice-cream them. Now those pies are in my van in the garage. It is cold outside, around 49 degrees F. No need to put in the refrigerator. One thing I like about the winter is the fact that I can put food in the garage or in my covered porch and not have to worry about them being spoiled. I think this is enough blogging.

Hee hee!! Had a good laff when read Mum's posting on my quiz results. I didn't write it. Came from taking a quiz at Quizila.

Wow! Mother and Wena must have ESP (Extra Sensory Perception). I was thinking that I should update this blog now because it has been quite a while since I had the energy or the time to write here. I still have a lot to do but this is something I want to do.

Work has been really busy. I am in a lot of meetings where people are not very focused on getting outcomes from each meeting. So sometimes I use meetings to relax and let my thoughts flow free. Hehehehe.....

I agree with Wena that a woman can be okay with or with a man. First of all, you have to love yourself and be happy with yourself. Many men are attracted to confident women. I am quite sure that I will not marry again because I like my life as it is, by myself. I can come home and flop on the chair with a sigh of relief. I do not have to worry about getting dinners ready or having to do something to please someone else. I can also eat ice cream for breakfast if I want to. I can snore all I want to in my bed. I can fall asleep with the TV on if I want to.

Most important of all, I am trying to learn to be patient with those around me. Being alone is easy to be patient. No one goes home with you. This is enough soul searching for now.

A Glimpse of the Future


enjoying a succesful career,
having fun at parties and concerts,
self sufficient and independent,
you're okay with or
without a man,
you're content
just happuly living with someone -
your beloved dog!


What will you be like 10 to 15 years from now? (girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

BTW, it's Wena here. :)

I am in my office reading my emails so that I will not be too rushed tomorrw. I will have to work tonight on my classes so that I will be more prepared next Wednesday. This past weekend is Labor day weekend in the U.S. I went up to the Upper Peninsula in Michigan to see my boyfriend and also to help him with his fundraising 5K run. He raised about $1,200 for his cross-country team and the Tiffany Foundation. That was pretty good considering that he did everything by himself. He has a tendency to do that--do everything himself. He is so used to being a single parent that he is not used to asking for help (gr..r....r). Anyway it was nice to see him again and it will be at least six weeks before I see him again. Many of my girlfriends do not understand how I can maintain a long distance relationship. In my case, it is the best option since I am usually so busy with work and he is pretty busy himself with his daughter and his students. Besides absence makes the hearts grow fonder. He lives in Newberry, Michigan and that is a 4-hour drive. Check out this site, http://www.exploringthenorth.com/newberry/home.html to see what Newberry, Michigan is like. One of these days, I will buy a little cottage up there by Lake Superior. That is my dream.

My mother sometimes wonders why I need a boyfriend at my age. She thinks I am too old! I tell her that I am still young and actually feels on top of the world. Besides, just being old does not mean that I do not need any love or affection. I can see myself creating havoc in the old folks' home, getting the seniors all roused up. Have you watched, "Waiting for God?" There is feisty old woman who reminds me of myself and an old man who is gentle and kind. They both get into all kinds of pranks and cause more gray hairs on the manager's head!

. : Granny talk : .

Granny was mentioning to me today how she never lets the past bother her. She remembers them, yes, but doesn't brood over them. Says it's very unhealthy and there are so many things to look forward to in the future. I suppose that is why she is still a gutsy person at 73 years old. And my partner when it comes to checking out new activities around Kuching. :)

Yes, I like the lady with the gold necklace. I love gold and part of it has to do with the fact that in Malaysia and many asian countries, gold is an investment. Ladies can always buy gold with their savings and then use those gold jewellery for money to do other things. When I was a young girl, I remember my mother buying bangles and necklaces, and then when we had to buy textbooks for school, she took these to the pawnshop for money to buy those textbooks. It was difficult for me to see that. There was never enough money to buy necessities.

I wish I can get into my daughters' heads and find out what they are thinking. Actaully, they are more like me than they would like to think. Wena is so so very much like me in my younger days. I was always for the under-dogs and still am but in a more sedate way. I work against the injustice in less obvious ways, perhaps because of the fact that I am more careful now with my rantings and ravings.

Well, school begins today for me and life will be quite hectic. Of course, nothing is ready in my classroom and I have to walk at least 15 minutes to get to my classroom from my office, and I cannot drive (sigh...). Oh well, it will be good exercise unless it rains or snows.

. : New Look : .

Well, another new look. Mum, okay with it? Got it from Blogfrocks. I like the lady with the gold necklace. It's so Mum! :)

. : Generation Gap : .

Reading Mum's post again, it hits me again at the perceptions that one hears from one generation to another. Who is to say who is right and who is wrong? I suppose at the end of the day, one must be willing to hear both sides of the story rather than only one version.

I can understand Mum's frustration speaking to us whipper-snappers. Thinking we know everything under the sun. That we know best. That we can manage on our own. That we can make our own mature judgement. Us young ones.

It's hard to express one's thoughts and feelings to another person, be it from the same generation or not. I find that one needs patience to get the message or idea across. Wouldn't it be great if we could actually understand immediately what the other party is talking about? What they're getting at? What are they're conclusions?

I wish I could get into my Mum's head. Must be interesting just to find out what goes through her mind when she's talking to me. Would make me understand her better. Her thoughts. Her feelings. Her experiences. Her humour. Well, I have to settle for chats online, phonecalls, emails and, of course, her blog.

. : Insight to Mother : .

Here is an insight to my mother's personality from Cainer, especially after her last posting.

Monica is mysterious and enigmatic; deep, perceptive, powerful, passionate and terribly, terribly sexy! The sentence above must be true because Monica is a Scorpio and Scorpios as we all know are infamous for their interest in... well now, here's a funny thing. Despite what they say, Scorpios are not actually quite as wild and wicked as they are painted. Monica has, it must be said, a very hypnotic appeal but what's truly mesmerising about Monica is not her pout but her perspicacity. Monica has an uncanny, almost spooky to see right through you. She can make you feel naked and exposed just by casting one meaningful glance in your direction. What she is looking at though, when she peers below the surface, is not your underwear but your underlying intention! "Where are you coming from? What are you up to? Can you be trusted? Are you going to tell the truth?" These are the questions that Monica subconsciously fires out as soon as she sees you. Her inner radar never fails to provide her with the right answer. She is sensitive beyond measure, and it is partly to protect her own sensitivity that she scrutinises people so thoroughly.

There is another reason why Monica is so keen to see into your soul: she needs to know how sensitive you are. She knows from long, bitter experience that not many people can take the kind of candour that she cannot help but dispense. Monica is not a person to mince her words, hold back her opinions or shy away from taboo topics. She doesn't want to cause offence, nor does she want to waste her time, so she picks her confidantes carefully. All of which brings us back to where we began. If you are sensitive enough to appreciate Monica's special qualities you will consider that there is something exceptionally sexy about her and she will feel the same way about you. So perhaps Monica is living proof that it is true what they say about Scorpios after all.

Can't wait for her to see the shock on her face. Hee hee! The younger generation definitely likes to tease (or rather SHOCK!) the older one. LOL!

One difference between the values of the younger and older generations is the fact that we grew up in different times. For example, I was born in the late forties and my daughters were born in the mid and late seventies. When I went to school in Sarawak, Malaysia, I was educated in English, and Sarawak was still a British colony. When my daughters went to school in Sarawak, education was in Bahasa Malaysia although both my daughters went to a private school where English was the language of instruction. The history books we read in school were different. My history books had the British as the heroes and the rebels as the enemies. In the history books of my daughters, the heroes were the enemies in my history book. Such a turnaround would create a divide in our ways of thinking.

Another divide between parents and children is the fact that no matter how hard up children are, it does not compare to the hard times experienced by the parents. I would not want my daughters to experience the difficult times I went through during my college years in Texas. Yikes, imagine all those cockroaches in the apartment I shared with a student from China. It was really cheap but disgusting!

I myself grew up, admiring the British and wanting to go to UK for university studies. At that time, China was "bad," in my books. I denied anything
Chinese about myself, then I grew a little older, came to the U.S., read more books, talked a lot more, and now I realize that I am made up of more than just one group. Instead, I am the result of all that happened to me. I visited Beijing and Shanghai in October 2000 and went to stand at the Great Wall of China. Wow! That was awesome. How can I explain to my mother how I feel now? I cannot even talk to her in good Chinese or articulate my feelings to her. I believe that it is so wonderful to be able to communicate with my two daughters in English so that we can actually say things to each other that we can understand. So, hopefully, this will improve and get better.

Rowena, I had Helen Ato who was my classmate in Form 6 at St. Joseph visiting me this past weekend. We talked, talked, talked, too much.

I like the new look but it looks too western. I also like the garden view but I do not like the green background. I like the clear background or a blue background. Try another new look since you are into this. I will update my blog later. I am really busy today. So, maybe later this week, I will be able to do something.

How did you get the pics up here? Will they use up too much space? How much does your cousin charge to have a blog on his server? I may want to have one for my classmates and their pictures.

. : New Look : .

Mum, you like or not? :) The other one I was considering was this or this. Or would you want a garden view? Let me know which one you like.

Old layout was dull dull dull. And, too many other blogs have the same layout.

. : Blogging Nonyas : .

Spam? Off already and besides, you have to also unclick yourself off those mailing lists. :) Living in the US, you'll get more spam than I do, dearest Mumsie-poo.

Guess what I found?

My sister and I in one of our bedrooms in Miri. Girlie girlie room :)

On the back verandah in Bintulu. I luv that little pool! Didn't like the peeping tom neighbour though. :p

Gosh, now this blog is becoming a mother/daughters thing. I suppose it is okay but I am getting too much spam from all those things that Rowena kept signing me up for. Classes will begin for me soon, in less than two weeks on August 25, and I am not ready for it. I still want to play although I have to come to the office every day.

Note from Wena to Mum : change ur comments from Haloscan (which is getting pretty unstable) to Backlog. Hopefully it works now. MUAK!

Just had a chat with wena, my elder daughter and she told me that others are eagerly waiting to read my next posting. Yikes! I am not sure that I like to know that others want to read my postings. One of my constant thoughts relates to how young Chinese girls educated in English and brought up in Malaysia often have questions about how they fit in the societies in which they find themselves. I myself question my own identity all the time. My thoughts are in English, and in my virtual world, it does not matter what color I am. But every morning when I get up, I have to look in the mirror and, to my surprise, I look like an old Asian lady. Wow! Something must have happened overnight and I metamorphosed into what I saw in the mirror! At the same time, I like the traditions associated with the Malaysian and nonya cultures. I especially love the food and the kuih; e.g., the pineapple tarts. When I was pregnant with Jasmine, I had a craving for pineapple tarts. So, my mother and I made almost five hundred pieces of them although they were all small ones. My mother is a good cook but she does not want to make all those small nonya cookies any more.

I now work in a small town in the U.S. and there are very few asian, african-american, hispanic or native american people around. There are more native americans than the other ethnicity because there is a casino, just three miles east of the town. The university has almost 20,000 students and the town has about 30,000 (I could be wrong here but I have no time to check this right now). You can check on the data at http://www.usg.edu/galileo/internet/census/demograp.html. I live close to an even small town, population about 500! My farm is in the middle of fields that grow corn, alfafa, soy beans, etc for the black and white dairy cows. Sometimes you can smell the manure that the farmers use to fertilise the fields. Well, enough of this rambling as wena says.

Life is not easy and especially when dealing with those in the younger generation. I always wonder why people are so different. I still have no answer.

Today is the last day that Tyrone Jordan, my CEEP student, will work with me. He is an incoming freshman who will begin his first semester at CMU this fall. He is smart and willing to learn. I know this because I gave him assignments such as "create a web form for me with this printed survey and here is the FrontPage 2002 book to learn how to do it." I expect people who work with me to be able to learn how to do their jobs and not have to be told exactly how to do it.

Last Friday, I bought a blue Dodge Grand Caravan sport minivan. It is cool and even has a DVD player. Wow! I wish I had this minivan instead of my Dodge pickup truck when my mother and brother were visiting me in the summer of 2000. See my minivan at http://www.cba.cmich.edu/faculty/holme1mc/. Now I can take six people with me on my trips.

This blog publishes the ramblings of an old Malaysian lady, who in Malaysia, would be considering retiring. However, in the U.S., she is still on the go. At the same time, she is finding that the world is changing around her and she is not catching up too quickly.