Friday, January 30, 2004. I learnt that the trendy name for women like me is quirkyalones . These women are professionals, have good careers, own their own houses, and may have significant others but not really interested in marriage. They believe in waiting for the right partners to come along. They have many friends and are cool. They run around in "Urban Tribes." Use Google to find more about quikyalones and urban tribes.

Just came in from shoveling snow off the paths to my doors and steps. Too cold and my fingertips are frozen. Morale of the story: do not have too many doors to the outside when you live in a cold climate. I have two garage doors for my cars and a small door into the garage plus two stairways to my frontdoor. Too many places to shovel. This sounds like a life lesson to learn--do not have too many irons in the fire or too many projects to complete!

One of the most common soul-searching problems that young educated asian women go through is "what will I do when my children grow up?" I just listened to such a woman, and from comments I received from my colleagues, this woman must have talked to many of them! The story is common. A young asian woman is smart and did well during her primary and secondary schools, and even in college. Then she married a smart young man (of course, because she would not marry someone who is not her equal) and had children. Now she stays at home and looks after her children. In the meantime, her children do well at school and are getting smarter than her, her husband is making excellent progress at his career. Her cries are "What about me? What happens to my dreams? Can I return to school and catch up with my husband?"

Often I tell such women that dreams do not go away and can be accomplished. However, such dreams must take into consideration her husband and her children otherwise the price they pay will be too high. I tell such women that they should only plan for two or three years ahead--enough to get a graduate degree, and then at that point in their lives, they can plan further. Some of them came to me with dreams of completing a doctoral degree. That dream is wonderful but that is too far ahead into the future.

I began my first undergraduate class at the ripe old age of 38, a wife and a mother. I did not know that I wanted to be a professor at a university. Things happened and then my dreams changed and now here I am at a university! I am not sure that this is what I want to do forever although forever is now getting shorter and shorter (hehehehe...).

Jasmine is engaged to be married to Donnie. I was caught off guard when she told me but I realized that in the U.S. because she does not live with me, I am not aware of how close she and Donnie are. Now I feel better about it as every day passes and I reflect back on my own personal experiences. If Jas were living with me as I did with my parents, I would have met Donnie a long time ago. I would have met him every time he came to pick up Jas for a date. I also realize that both of them have their whole lives to live and so they have goals they can work towards. Their forever is much longer than my forever.

Thanks to Wena, now I can post to my blog again. She is such a sweet girl and always tell me, "don't worry, mom."

Hiya, still trying to cope with jet lag although it is nice to get up at 4:00 am and do things. However, by lunchtime, I am tired. Last Monday, my secretary called me at home to find out whether I was going into the office! Who is the boss, me or her? Her excuse is that she was worried about whether I had arrived home. That is a good one since I would have called her if my plane had been delayed.

I am going to try the Atkins diet although only a version of it because I put on 6 lbs while in Malaysia. Now I have to try and get rid of those irritating 6 lbs. Now 6 lbs sound easy but these small lbs are the worst. They are the most difficult and it is almost as though I would have to starve to lose them. So, I am going to try the Atkins and lose those pesky lbs and then get back on the Weight Watchers. However, the Atkins has many things similar to the WW because I am supposed to keep track of what I eat and also to exercise. I walk on the treadmill because it is convenient. I do it at home and do not have to drive somewhere else. Besides it is brrrr....cold outside right now. Also, my physical therapist told me that it would be better to walk on a treadmill than on uneven surfaces out on the road. Walking on the road is bad for my back.

I am still trying to learn how to upload pictures to my blog here. I used to be able to learn to do FTP so easily, but now I am always in such a hurry that I find it difficult (grrrr....). Too much violence in my life. hehehehe....

My baby girl is getting engaged! It is difficult to remember that she is a grown lady of 24 going on 25 and should be making her decisions now. I guess a child is always a child no matter how old that child is. I am trying very hard not to treat her like a kid any more. Ah yah! So hard, lah.

Having to deal with jet lag after traveling from Kuching, Malaysia to Saginaw, Michigan is no fun. Sleeping during the day and being awake at night makes life too difficult to deal with although I am glad that I will not have to deal with the office until Thursday. I will go in either late today or tomorrow. It snowed here last night and the road is icy. Even at 7:44 am, it is still dark outside. The temperature is currently 19 degrees F (-7 degrees C). Brrr.....

Having spent another two weeks in Kuching after my visit last November, I realize how living in another country changes one's perspective. I also come to realize how much my two daughters do not know about the Eurasian side of my growing up. In fact, my mother does not talk about that side of my father either. I suppose it all happened too long ago. Growing up and going to school in Malaysia, I remember having to check the "Other" box in response to the question of race. "Other" in Malaysia means Eurasian, Caucasian or any other ethnic race that is not indicated. When I was in Kuching this visit, I checked the phone book for Kuching to see how many "Holmes" there are. It was difficult to find out because phone listings are by either your Asian last name or first name if your last name is a western last name. I remember growing up in Borneo, when any letter addressed to "Holmes, Borneo" was delivered to our home. Unless I tell my daughers about Eurasians, they would not know about this part of my background; they would not know that their grandfather's propensity to look to the U.K. as his homeland. He would have been proud of the fact that Rowena received her degree from the University of Birmingham, U.K. One of these days, I will write more about this.

Today is Dec 31, the last day of 2003 and on Jan 2, 2004, I will fly back to the U.S. I have a sneaky feeling that my mother will be glad to see me go. She has been really busy, cooking different dishes for me to eat. At the same time, she is having a new kitchen built for her and that is a major chore. It is interesting to see how she manages the workmen, this mother of mine who is 73 years old. She definitely has her own ideas of what she wants. I have learnt not to impose my ideas on her and hence has done a little more this time NOT to add to her stress level (hehehehe .....)

I will be sorry to leave my daughter, Wena, again but like my mother, I am sure she will also be glad to see me go. Three strong willed women under the same roof is not always a good thing for a long time. The years have added to my slow growing wisdom and therefore, we get on better during this visit.

I am updating this blog from Kuching, Malaysia. I am visiting my mother and this is within one year. Wah, the flight was too long although I had an empty seat next to me and I had an aisle seat as well. I was really fed up with sitting in airports and on airplanes. Of course, having my flight from DFW leaving late and then arriving in LA to find that my Malaysian airline flight had been changed to leave two hours early was not a good thing, as Martha Stewart would say. When I arrived at the checkin counter in LA, the line was reallly short. I was so sookoo, I thought that I was really early!!!! Maybe I should have gone to the transfer counter. Of course, my two bags did not arrive in Kuching with me. They came two days later and guess what, we had to return to the Kuching airport to pick them up. At least Northwest airline delivers missing luggage to your home when they find them!

Kuching has grown tremendously and continue to grow. Buildings are popping up everywhere, and there are restaurants at every corner of each street. Colours everywhere. Guess what? I find myself eating with my fork when I am here. Then I find myself eating with my spoon when I am in the U.S. Those of you who eat with a fork and spoon in Malaysia know what I am talking about. Also, the way the Brits handle their silverware is slightly different from the way the U.S. do. Little things but big things when in a crowd.

So far, I have eaten durians, Sarawak laksa, Penang laksa (in KLIA and darn expensive), kueh tweo fried with ketchup, chicken rice, ice kachang (ohhh, I love this), prawn cakes, etc. Best of all, is eating with my mother and brother, Cyril. They let me order for them and share what they have--more variety that way. The food is so cheap here. I am going to put on so much weight on this trip.

The weather outside is just too cold now, around 34 degrees F. I had a friend for dinner at my house and I roasted an 11-lb turkey. Why would I cook an 11-lb turkey for two single ladies, I don't know. So much food and so few mouths to feed but plenty of leftovers. I goofed again this thanksgiving. Every year I tell myself that I want to eat at the soup kitchen in order to see how it feels. Then I forget to find out the location of the soup kitchen and could not go. What a lame excuse. I missed having my family around the holidays.

Today is the biggest shopping day in the U.S., the day after Thanksgiving. I saw something I wanted--a 27-inch TV for $149.99 plus a $10.00 rebate, plus a leather jacket for $59.99 at JC Pennys. But I think I will wait until tomorrow and also see how my checking account is bearing up against all the expenses I have. I have to pay my bills earlier this month. Sometimes I shop too much. At other times, I want to simplify my life to where I have no bills at all. Then I can stop working completely. I don't want to work all my life. Yikes.

This Saturday, on November 15, I will be one year older. In Malaysia, I would be considered much much older while in the U.S., life has just began. It is sweet to be older and yet not too old. Jasmine sent me flowers. What a nice surprise! I walked into my office and there they were. Hardly anyone sent me any flowers! ...sniff, sniff, ... The pic below of three generations of women is a rare one for us; we are so seldom together at the same place.

3 Generations

Found this picture of me, my sister, my grandmother and my mother, from back in 1995. Man I was 16 then.

Hey, thanks to Wena, I now have a moving calendar. I love it. hehehehe, .....

My neck is stiff, and now the doc thinks it may be a pinched nerve in the back of my neck. The last three weeks, I have been put on the rack and stretched so that the tingling and numbness in my right leg would go away. Although the tingling and numbness are less intense, I still experience some of it. It is a good thing that the doc is young and handsome. At least something good to look (sigh, ....). I even had an emg; the doc said that the sounds should be like raindrops on a tin roof. It has been a long time since I heard raindrops on a tin roof.

A weird thing happened to me at work yesterday. I answered a call from an obviously Chinese man speaking English with an accent, a Malaysian accent! After we talked for a while, I asked him, "are you Malaysian?" He said, "eh? how can you tell?" He was asking me about our graduate program for his son in Singapore! We talked for a long time. I hope that his son will come or at least he will come. This man is working in Chicago. I am trying my best to build up our graduate program again because 9/11 has such an impact on it. I found it a little strange that the son did not contact me himself.

I got involved in the Rotary radio auction today; and bought too many things. I became so engrossed in it that I bid on too many things. I listened to the announcer and heard my bidder number! Oh, dear, I had to watch myself because I was even bidding against myself. So, I bought 5 cubic yards of hardwood mulch, 10 cubic yards of screened top soil, and 3 20-lbs of fertiliser. I think I also bought $100 worth of legal service from a lawyer friend. I was feeling sorry for him because no one was bidding on his legal services. I bid $10 and then I found that someone else bid $15. I think I paid $17. Oh, well, I will use his services to write my will.

I bought a blueberry pie, a raspberry pie and a raspberry cinnamon roll. Then I took them all to Roger and Sandy for dinner. We had a piece each of the raspberry cinnamon roll but not the pies. So, after dinner, I took them to Elizabeth and Burl and had the pies with ice-cream them. Now those pies are in my van in the garage. It is cold outside, around 49 degrees F. No need to put in the refrigerator. One thing I like about the winter is the fact that I can put food in the garage or in my covered porch and not have to worry about them being spoiled. I think this is enough blogging.

Hee hee!! Had a good laff when read Mum's posting on my quiz results. I didn't write it. Came from taking a quiz at Quizila.

Wow! Mother and Wena must have ESP (Extra Sensory Perception). I was thinking that I should update this blog now because it has been quite a while since I had the energy or the time to write here. I still have a lot to do but this is something I want to do.

Work has been really busy. I am in a lot of meetings where people are not very focused on getting outcomes from each meeting. So sometimes I use meetings to relax and let my thoughts flow free. Hehehehe.....

I agree with Wena that a woman can be okay with or with a man. First of all, you have to love yourself and be happy with yourself. Many men are attracted to confident women. I am quite sure that I will not marry again because I like my life as it is, by myself. I can come home and flop on the chair with a sigh of relief. I do not have to worry about getting dinners ready or having to do something to please someone else. I can also eat ice cream for breakfast if I want to. I can snore all I want to in my bed. I can fall asleep with the TV on if I want to.

Most important of all, I am trying to learn to be patient with those around me. Being alone is easy to be patient. No one goes home with you. This is enough soul searching for now.

A Glimpse of the Future


enjoying a succesful career,
having fun at parties and concerts,
self sufficient and independent,
you're okay with or
without a man,
you're content
just happuly living with someone -
your beloved dog!


What will you be like 10 to 15 years from now? (girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

BTW, it's Wena here. :)

I am in my office reading my emails so that I will not be too rushed tomorrw. I will have to work tonight on my classes so that I will be more prepared next Wednesday. This past weekend is Labor day weekend in the U.S. I went up to the Upper Peninsula in Michigan to see my boyfriend and also to help him with his fundraising 5K run. He raised about $1,200 for his cross-country team and the Tiffany Foundation. That was pretty good considering that he did everything by himself. He has a tendency to do that--do everything himself. He is so used to being a single parent that he is not used to asking for help (gr..r....r). Anyway it was nice to see him again and it will be at least six weeks before I see him again. Many of my girlfriends do not understand how I can maintain a long distance relationship. In my case, it is the best option since I am usually so busy with work and he is pretty busy himself with his daughter and his students. Besides absence makes the hearts grow fonder. He lives in Newberry, Michigan and that is a 4-hour drive. Check out this site, http://www.exploringthenorth.com/newberry/home.html to see what Newberry, Michigan is like. One of these days, I will buy a little cottage up there by Lake Superior. That is my dream.

My mother sometimes wonders why I need a boyfriend at my age. She thinks I am too old! I tell her that I am still young and actually feels on top of the world. Besides, just being old does not mean that I do not need any love or affection. I can see myself creating havoc in the old folks' home, getting the seniors all roused up. Have you watched, "Waiting for God?" There is feisty old woman who reminds me of myself and an old man who is gentle and kind. They both get into all kinds of pranks and cause more gray hairs on the manager's head!

. : Granny talk : .

Granny was mentioning to me today how she never lets the past bother her. She remembers them, yes, but doesn't brood over them. Says it's very unhealthy and there are so many things to look forward to in the future. I suppose that is why she is still a gutsy person at 73 years old. And my partner when it comes to checking out new activities around Kuching. :)

Yes, I like the lady with the gold necklace. I love gold and part of it has to do with the fact that in Malaysia and many asian countries, gold is an investment. Ladies can always buy gold with their savings and then use those gold jewellery for money to do other things. When I was a young girl, I remember my mother buying bangles and necklaces, and then when we had to buy textbooks for school, she took these to the pawnshop for money to buy those textbooks. It was difficult for me to see that. There was never enough money to buy necessities.

I wish I can get into my daughters' heads and find out what they are thinking. Actaully, they are more like me than they would like to think. Wena is so so very much like me in my younger days. I was always for the under-dogs and still am but in a more sedate way. I work against the injustice in less obvious ways, perhaps because of the fact that I am more careful now with my rantings and ravings.

Well, school begins today for me and life will be quite hectic. Of course, nothing is ready in my classroom and I have to walk at least 15 minutes to get to my classroom from my office, and I cannot drive (sigh...). Oh well, it will be good exercise unless it rains or snows.

. : New Look : .

Well, another new look. Mum, okay with it? Got it from Blogfrocks. I like the lady with the gold necklace. It's so Mum! :)